Guilt?

Do I feel guilty for not blogging more? Sure.
Do I have a ton of things to blog about? Yep.
Do I feel like I won't be as witty as some of the other bloggers out there. Of course.
Is this my own format to do exactly what I want, when i want, and say what I feel like saying in the time I feel like saying it. Damn right.

That said, yes, I know I need to do this more - it helps to get the brain barfs that are in my head out of there. But blast it all, life just gets in the way. Not having a job seems to make me busier!

I'll get to it when I get to it, ok?

Quote of the Day 7/20/09

"My favorite thing is to go where I've never been."
-Diane Arbus

Fred of the Day 7/20/09

Her first plane ride. She loved it!!

Quote of the Day 7/18/09

We don't stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.
-George Bernard Shaw

I was just thinking about this because TopGun and I did some "close-quarter" defense training last night. The idea came out of nowhere, and while it was interesting and important, it was also fun to spend some "up" time with him - much different than just sitting on the couch :-)

Fred of the Day 7/18/09

I just love this . . . .

Fred of the Day 7/16/09

Another pic that has not yet been "messed with". I'm starting to like Photoshop! This is what she and I do when her brother and sister are out for a scooter ride. This is just so "her." She smiles, gets an attitude, runs around like a maniac, and I laugh until I tinkle! I love her so much!!

Quote of the Day 7/16/09

Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?
-Anonymous

Just thought this was funny, considering I have no job, no income, and am shacking up with my boyfriend!! Still, I'm having a blast!

Fred of the Day 7/15/09

Ok, VERY raw image, but I took the dogs to the lake today. Yes, all three of them, and yes, all at once. Thank GOD there was no one else around! I just love how much Fred loves the water, and so does Barney. Amelia, not so much!

Quote of the Day 7/11/09

"Deep summer is when laziness finds respectability."
-Sam Keen

And believe me, I'm all about lying around doing nothing in the summer sun.

Fred of the Day 7/11/09

This is Fred and her new friend Riley. Riley is a teenage single male who decided he'd like to try to make Fred his bi-atch! Boy, was that fun to watch! Fred can be very vocal when she doesn't want someone sniffing around her hoo-ha :-) (Sorry, Riley!)

I've been brainwashed ...

For some reason, I can't leave the bedroom in the morning without making the bed and putting the pillows on it or I feel guilty. Damn, that sucks!

Quote of the Day 7/10/09

"A perfect summer day is when the sun is shining, the breeze is blowing, the birds are singing, and the lawn mower is broken."
-James Dent

I only say this today because I mowed the lawn - with a PUSH MOWER! Have only done it once before, and don't really want to do it again!

Fred of the Day 7/10/09

Oh yeah, I'm a beach dog. I'm the hot shi-ite! Chasing birds, chasing sand crabs, chasing birds, digging holes, chasing birds, swimming, sitting on the floatie, going for walks, sniffing shells, chasing birds. Oh and did I say chasing birds? Mom was getting pretty tired of yelling my name :-) And I got to ride in the plane!!

I've been lax in my duties . . . .

Yes, I know I'm terrible, but not having a job is playing hell with my blogging. When I was working, I at least had some time each day where I could make a few comments, post a few pictures, do a little whatever. Now that I am once again jobless, my days have no routine, no structure! Can I also say that I've been really, really, REALLY occupied!?!? My parents were here for a week (GREAT visit!), and then came the 4th of July weekend (16 people in a beach house at Carrabelle - what an amazing time!). It's taken me a week to catch up on all the "other" stuff I needed to do, like organize pictures, clean the house, do the laundry.

Oh, and yes, I'll be getting back into a routine. No being a slug in front of the computer (although that is part of the routine), and must get up and get dressed every day. Look for job is #1, then comes keeping TopGun and the house all clean and happy. Will be taking pics everyday also! I took almost 500 at Carrabelle, and while some turned out ok, most of them weren't great. Practice, practice, practice!

But then we have Oshkosh at the end of the month, so that's a week out of my time. Oh, and then TopGun and I (he surprised me - was going to tell me the day of, but I'm glad he didn't!) are going to the USVI (St, John's) the first week in August. Damn, I'm busy!

Fred of the Day 6/18/09

This is a TERRIBLE photo from a very old camera, but in memory of some of our friends who have passed before us . . . . .

This is a picture of my friend Zeke, saved from a trailer in the middle of the desert by my ex and myself the weekend my Dadka died (He was trying to keep my mind occupied, and we had wanted another puppy anyway). This is the day we brought Fred home (all 2.8 pounds of her), and all 120 pounds of Zeke would not stop following her around! Shortly after this, we had to have him put down because his body just stopped working. I don't know that I've ever cried more than that day. He was the biggest, most sensitive, loving lapdog I've ever had, and I still miss him terribly.

Quote of the Day 6/18/09

"A dog has no use for fancy cars or big homes or designer clothes. Status symbol means nothing to him. A waterlogged stick will do just fine. A dog judges others not by their color or creed or class but by who they are inside. A dog doesn't care if you are rich or poor, educated or illiterate, clever or dull. Give him your heart and he will give you his."
-John Grogan, "Marley & Me"

This is for the Juedes family, in memory of Copper, and for all of the other furry family members who have gone before us to that happy field where they run and play to their heart's content.

Fred of the Day 6/17/09

I forgot how precious she was as a puppy, and in attempting to organize some old photos, I came across this one. This was taken in the middle of packing to move out during my divorce - she was only 4 months old. I can, with all honesty, say that if it wasn't for her, I might not have made it through with my head still attached! What a cutie!!

Quote of the Day 6/17/09

"Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished. "
~Lao Tzu

I love this reminder to slow down and relax. Life does not revolve around to-do lists, and not everything has to be done immediately. There is a time for everything, and sometimes it behooves us to stop, take a deep breath, and smell the flowers (preferably those that I've planted!).

Quote of the Day 6/16/09

"Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure or nothing." -Helen Keller

This one hit me today. I've been asking myself a lot of questions about where I'm going to be in 1 year, 5 years, 10 years. I know what I'm looking for is security (isn't everyone?). I was trapped into a conversation this weekend (by trapped, I mean strapped into a plane for three hours with nowhere to go, and nothing to listen to but the voice in my headset). I was basically told that there is no such thing. My question is -- how can I continue forward when I'm with someone who is such a realist and believes there are no guarantees? I know sometimes I put the rose-colored glasses on, but I believe in taking chances and jumping in headfirst. It's tough being with someone who's so cynical and all "take care of yourself." To me a relationship isn't about separate lives, and I can't help but be nervous that this is going to continue to come up.

Oh well, I know I won't give up an amazing thing that I'm so fortunate to have. I have to learn how to live life day-to-day.

Fred of the Day 6/16/09

I know I skipped a few days, but it's my blog, so live with it.

This is my absolute favorite pic of the brother and sister when they were babies, probably about 3 months old. (I look at the size of Barney's paw back then and I know now I should have realized . . . . . )

Quote of the Day 6/11/09

"I laugh in the face of danger. HA HA HA HA HA!"
-Simba, The Lion King

Fitting for this coming weekend ...

Fred of the Day 6/11/09

Ok, again not the greatest picture - took a little editing to get it sharper than it was - but a perfect example of her personality. The second she smells or hears water on a walk, she points her nose in that direction. If it's a little stream, she lays right down and attacks the water. I need to get her in a lake!!

Nervousness

So I've never been good with mothers - not even really my own, although that's getting better the older I've gotten. I don't know why this is. Maybe because I've always been more comfortable with males. Or that the females I tend to gravitate to are more of the "lets go have a beer and shoot the shit" than the "let's go get a manicure, hit some boutiques, and have a glass of wine." That's just not the kind of girl I am ... I don't like all the cattiness, the need for frou-frou conversation, the gossiping/whispering/one-upping each other that most women seem to love. I just don't have the time or the energy for that. I like to do my own thing.

So that leads me to my (huge) nervousness about this weekend. TopGun is dropping me off at his mom's place while he goes and flies circles over west Texas somewhere. I have two whole days to spend with her, and while I'd never tell him how scared I was, I'M TERRIFIED!

It's probably a combination of making sure I don't screw anything up and having her hate me for some reason, but it's also the thought of (1) getting asked questions I don't know or don't want to answer, and being caught in a situation I don't want to be in (although I'd like to think I'm smarter than that) and (2) having lots of uncomfortable silences.

Oh, I know I'll probably have fun - it's a great place to spend the weekend, and I need to just relax and let things play out however they will. My past history keeps creeping into this, though. The ex said one of the things about me was that I didn't like his mother (which was TOTALLY not true, by the way), but I guess I just didn't show it in the right way. Like I said, I just don't do well with other women - it's got to be a learned skill - is there a class I can take? I just don't know how to talk to them in the small talk way, especially when they belong to someone important in my life. I seem to know how to talk to everyone else.

Anyhoo ... I'm going to try my best, and I'll let you know later how things played out. Hopefully lots of golf, riding around in the cart, sitting in the sun, reading, and some good conversation ...

New Obsession

I now have a new obsession. Having just been given a Canon XTi (I really only wanted to take pictures of the dogs), I'm becoming a little obsessed with learning how to take great photos.

I need to say that first, I'm scared. TopGun started showing me all these beautiful airplane photos and said that with a little practice, he bets I could do that. I don't know that I'm all that interested in taking them, but I believe that as part of my "job," I'm going to have to do some.

Anyway ... I'm having a great time first learning about the camera and just taking lots of shots of everything (mostly dogs and flowers). It seems I'm on Flickr CONSTANTLY looking at creative ways to take photos and trying to get ideas.

My next step is to learn Photoshop ... we'll see how that goes. Until then, hopefully my pics of Fred will get better!

Just a few favorite pics of my blooms so far ...

Quote of the Day 6/10/09

"A weed is no more than a flower in disguise."
-James Russell Lowell

I just had to put this one in here - after spending much time last night pulling weeds, and not coming nearly close to the perfection I would like, I've decided I'm going to embrace them. I have too many of them in the yard not to!

Actually, I've always thought that pulling weeds was cathartic. Sort of a symbolic way to get things out when you need to.

Fred of the Day 6/10/09

Now what do I do with it?

Quote of the Day 6/9/09

"Without hard work, nothing grows but weeds."
-Gordon B. Hinckley

I thought this was fitting today. Debating whether or not to do some yard work, and then looking at photos I've taken of some of my beautiful plants. I never used to be nature-girl, but I love to be outside at this point in my life. Being inside just seems to bring me down.

I can also touch on the "hard work" part of the quote ... I've learned over the last few years that the more you let things go without working/focusing on them, the harder it is to keep things in shape. Staying on top of things is really important (the house cleaning, the yard work, relationships, family). It applies to every area of my life. Sure, you need to realx and let things go once in awhile, but if you've stayed on top of them in the first place, it's all that much easier.

Fred of the Day 6/9/09

What's that outside? Who's walking across my yard? I can't smell them! Can I get my nose any closer to the window?

Quote of the Day 6/8/09

"Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive."
-Elbert Hubbard

I was talking with someone this morning (who is going through a divorce - something I'm a little familiar with) about how your attitude towards life tends to shift a little bit. Mine went from "OCD/Anal Retentive/List Maker" to "I'm going to take whatever is going to happen as it happens."

I've always been the kind of person to live my life with no regrets since everything is a learning experience. Over the past two or so years, I've come to truly understand how to live life in the moment. Sure, planning ahead is fine in some cases, but isn't it more fun just to take whatever it throws at you and decide what to do with it when it happens? Things are not always as important as you make them out to be . . . .

Fred of the Day 6/8/09

Damn, I'm cute. But oooh - look at the chipmunk, oooh - smell the fast food, oooh - look at the people, oooh - smell the trees .....

Quote of the Day 6/7/09

Ok, I promise I'll get off the whole "love" kick tomorrow, but this is just too true.

"Love doesn't make the world go 'round; love is what makes the ride worthwhile."
-Franklin P. Jones

Fred of the Day 6/7/09

Ok, there's more than just Fred in this picture, but it's too cute not to post. The two big ones had just gotten back from a ride behind the scooter, so they were dead tired - and we had to get Fred to play dead :-)

Quote of the Day 6/6/09

"Life without love is like a tree without blossoms or fruit."
-Kahlil Gibran

Obviously there's a theme here. One year ago today I met the man who turned my life upside down.

And one year later, he's still turning it upside down.

Fred of the Day 6/6/09

My ball, my ball! Quit taking pictures, you dolt! Don't you know this is the only time I get to be in the front yard without my brother and sister? Dammit, throw the ball!

Fred of the Day 6/5/09

I've been debating doing this, because it might show my favoritism of one of my kids over the others. Hell, I make no secret that I love her best :-) She got me through some tough times, and she's REALLY cute!

Anyway, this perfectly illustrates who she is. I was sitting on the deck, and the other two were running around like maniacs, pushing their heads into my lap and getting all nosy. Here comes Fred, silently weaving her way under the table and chairs to get her place right beside me - she's letting the other ones know that I'm hers (and to back off!). And I am hers. Just look at that smile!

Quote of the Day 6/5/09

“You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.”
-Dr. Seuss (aka Theodore Geisel)

Some of my other absolute favorite quotes can also be attributed to the great Doctor . . . .

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
"Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened."
"Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple."

I guess some of the most important things are really very simple.

I'm all for recycling, but . . . .

"Cheers! Crew drinks up recycled urine in space."

Ewwwww! And it wasn't just pee, it was sweat, too!

Adventures in Cooking

So one of the things I've had to get used to (in a good way, I guess ) is cooking. In my past life, I made food for me, and the ex made food for him. If we ever ate together, it was out at a restaurant. So, when TopGun and I first started dating, I made a comment that it was really nice to sit down to dinner together. Now we do that every night we're home. It makes great time for a conversation and syncing up from the day.

Now, being the Shack-up-Chick for a very traditional man is a little challenging when one has not ever planned or cooked daily meals. Don't get me wrong - I love to cook - it's just that I only ever really did it for holidays and big gatherings. If it were just me, I'd make a box of mac-n-cheese or Rice-a-Roni and eat just that for a meal. No longer an option, dammit! As I said, TopGun is traditional, which means meat, potatoes, and sides. The problem is compounded by the fact that he doesn't like anything green, as in vegetables. Now that wouldn't normally be an issue, since I don't like them either, but he's really, really picky!! Even more so than I am! Oh, and have I mentioned he's also a pretty darn good cook himself?

I'm getting better (I think), but I still keep "emergency" food on hand. They make these pre-made refrigerated entrees like chicken breast in gravy, and great Country Crock mashed potatoes in a tub. That's my fallback (yeah, Sunday night was a fallback night)! I can put it together in about 10 minutes :-) And yes, I hear about it all through dinner! ("Is this real?")

I'm running out of ideas, though. I can make lasagna, chili, grilled chicken, and steak only so many times. This is HARD! The whole planning process requires forethought at the grocery store, and since I've given up on most of my lists (we'll save that for another post), I tend to stop at the store every night. Also, the whole side dish thing - basically some form of potatoes/bread/corn every night.

So unless I've actually come up with a plan (and then you also have to think about the nights you'll do leftovers and all that), the process goes like this . . . . .
"Baby, what do you want for dinner?"
"Oh, I don't know, what do you want?"
"I don't know, either."
"What do we have?"
"Lots of stuff, but it will take hours and hours to make." -or- "Nothing. I have to go to the store."
"I'll just make a sandwich." (Making me feel WAY guilty that I'm not taking care of my man)
"Can we just order Chinese?"
"Ok, 2 orders of sweet & sour chicken and fried rice will be here in 10."

Since I don't work all that hard at my job, don't have to clean my own house, and have no children to take care of, I should find this easier than it is, right? I guess I should make it more of a priority - it's not like I have anything else to do. But . . . I've been finding it fun to search for new recipes and actually try some out. I made a great mexican casserole the other day, and I made an awesome chicken and pasta last night. I'm also getting good at pork loin in the crockpot.

I've come to the conclusion I need two things: the forethought to plan meals and have stuff in the fridge, and some "go-to" recipes. Some of my favorite sites are allrecipes.com and mixingbowl.com. So if there are any suggestions out there for non-veggie meals for my self-proclaimed "meatatarian," let me know!

My adventures in cooking will continue . . . . . .

Starting Again

I've been thinking about this for awhile - writing again. It's something I know I'm good at, but I just don't know that I have anything interesting to write about.

I will say that blogging/journaling while navigating through a divorce and all the emotions that came along with that was highly beneficial for me.

Now, I know there are funny things that happen during the day, and strange things that I just want to talk about, but I question whether or not I want to get that personal with some things, and going back to the whole self-esteem issue, who on earth would want to read anything I wrote?

Regardless, I think I'm going to do this when I feel the urge. It's terrible - just another thing to keep up with - between different internet groups I watch, particular pages I go to every day, Facebook, Twitter, all that . . . . here I am committing myself to more technical handcuffs.

Just some structure - I will probably write about things that happen or strike me as funny, but I know that I won't get too personal. I also want to start taking pictures and posting them - of the dogs, the house, landscapes. I'll write about my adventures in job hunting, my adventures in living with a Type A+++ personality, and will probably get to some of the uncertainty I always feel about myself.

So, here's to another adventure!