Anyway, it must be divine providence or something, because I've really been feeling like I need to start writing again ... Either that, or go back to therapy. That's where I was right after my last post :-). Just so much going on since then, and now I need to start to get it all straight in my head. This is gonna be good
Showing posts with label self image. Show all posts
Showing posts with label self image. Show all posts
Monday, May 14, 2012
It's been awhile ....
So much crap, and so long since I've been here .... I'm gonna have to go back and read all of this to see how totally fucked up I really was over Jerk Face.
Anyway, it must be divine providence or something, because I've really been feeling like I need to start writing again ... Either that, or go back to therapy. That's where I was right after my last post :-). Just so much going on since then, and now I need to start to get it all straight in my head. This is gonna be good
Anyway, it must be divine providence or something, because I've really been feeling like I need to start writing again ... Either that, or go back to therapy. That's where I was right after my last post :-). Just so much going on since then, and now I need to start to get it all straight in my head. This is gonna be good
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Interesting conversations
When you get three people together who've been divorced, or had their hearts stomped on .....
Just eye-opening to get other people's perspective. I kept thinking about what I did in my past relationships, and realized that there are others out there who have the same ideas I do about stuff like this - that relationships take work, and couples are there for each other through the ups and downs - and most importantly, that I am who I am, and regardless if the past, there's someone out there who will want me for the person I am.
Just eye-opening to get other people's perspective. I kept thinking about what I did in my past relationships, and realized that there are others out there who have the same ideas I do about stuff like this - that relationships take work, and couples are there for each other through the ups and downs - and most importantly, that I am who I am, and regardless if the past, there's someone out there who will want me for the person I am.
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Boy, do I sound bitter ...
Really, I'm not. I'm just working through this all. It sucks. But I'm stronger than I sound. Sometimes I question myself, and wonder what it is about me. Other times I just get angry and want to move on. Then it hits me square in the chest, and I can't breathe. Seriously, why do men leave me? I think I'm a pretty straight-forward, no drama kind of person. I'm smart, I'm capable, and I'm not terrible. Damn, that sounded all Jack Handy-ish. Sure, I have baggage, but I'm not a bad person, and it shouldn't be this hard to find someone to share my life with. All I want is someone to take care of, and who'll take care of me - and want me for who I am. Is this when I say that I miss what I had?
Yet, I've determined that I'm open to moving on, whatever that means right now. Why waste all this emotional and mental time on something I know is never, ever going to come back? I'm just going to live each day for what it is, and what it brings. Past experience has shown me that hoping and planning ahead doesn't accomplish crap. Hope is dead - living for the moment is all I have.
Yet, I've determined that I'm open to moving on, whatever that means right now. Why waste all this emotional and mental time on something I know is never, ever going to come back? I'm just going to live each day for what it is, and what it brings. Past experience has shown me that hoping and planning ahead doesn't accomplish crap. Hope is dead - living for the moment is all I have.
Monday, September 5, 2011
Ok, I'm really back!
So, it's been a tough last 6 months. I'll get to that later. As far as Project 40, the stress diet is working really good. My new favorite (single) hobby is shopping. Ok, not that I didn't do it before, but clothes fit wonderfully now. I've found a whole new confidence (that was really always there, but hid from me for a little while).
And I also have a job to dress for.
And I also have a house to shop for.
And I no longer have a significant other to cook for.
So, I'm almost 40, and where am I? Aside from being more depressed and anxious and panicky than I've ever been in my life (not even when I was going through my divorce was I this bad), I guess all I have to say is that I look good, and I have a great job - that hopefully I'll not screw up because I literally can't get out of bed or focus on.
Well, maybe I can get a box unpacked tonight, since I've been in here a month and I haven't done anything other than exist in here. Heartbreak is devastating - and I guess all I can do is take it one day at a time.
And I also have a job to dress for.
And I also have a house to shop for.
And I no longer have a significant other to cook for.
So, I'm almost 40, and where am I? Aside from being more depressed and anxious and panicky than I've ever been in my life (not even when I was going through my divorce was I this bad), I guess all I have to say is that I look good, and I have a great job - that hopefully I'll not screw up because I literally can't get out of bed or focus on.
Well, maybe I can get a box unpacked tonight, since I've been in here a month and I haven't done anything other than exist in here. Heartbreak is devastating - and I guess all I can do is take it one day at a time.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
I'm back!
I figured now that the whole "it's cool to be a blogger" thing is pretty much done, I'll start up again.
I have one main reason for doing this, and I'm planning on calling it .... get this .... you're gonna love it ...... I think it's hokey, but I had to do something to get me motivated ...... Project 40!
Yeah, yeah, I'm turning 40 this year. I have about 9 months to get my sorry-ass life back in shape (ok, my sorry ass body and my sorry ass life). I figure - I could either have a baby in that time (NOT gonna happen), or spend it doing something more productive, like take care of myself and enjoy every minute of it :-) And yes, I know that once I actually get myself in shape and start to take care of myself, and make enough money to be able to support myself again (long story - damn, it's been along time since I've talked about my life), that TopGun is going to drop me like a hot rock, but I guess I need to do it anyway - this is all about me. If he actually decides to stay with me, it would be a positive - but I don't count on it - I think he's already mentally checked out of the relationship .....
Oh well ... until next time ....
I have one main reason for doing this, and I'm planning on calling it .... get this .... you're gonna love it ...... I think it's hokey, but I had to do something to get me motivated ...... Project 40!
Yeah, yeah, I'm turning 40 this year. I have about 9 months to get my sorry-ass life back in shape (ok, my sorry ass body and my sorry ass life). I figure - I could either have a baby in that time (NOT gonna happen), or spend it doing something more productive, like take care of myself and enjoy every minute of it :-) And yes, I know that once I actually get myself in shape and start to take care of myself, and make enough money to be able to support myself again (long story - damn, it's been along time since I've talked about my life), that TopGun is going to drop me like a hot rock, but I guess I need to do it anyway - this is all about me. If he actually decides to stay with me, it would be a positive - but I don't count on it - I think he's already mentally checked out of the relationship .....
Oh well ... until next time ....
